4 Jul 2008

Clarifying some news

Psssst. I have some news for you, dear readers. It comes from a bunch of e-mails I received and now want to comment upon.

  1. Microsoft will not close your Hotmail account if you don't forward that e-mail. I know, because for 10 years I have been deleting those damn e-mails and my account is still going strong. In fact, it's been upgraded to a 5 GB inbox - free. And I can still use it in Outlook, Outlook Express, and other programs.
  2. Bill Gates, nor Microsoft will monitor each e-mail pertaining to raise funds for some cancerous little girl who's been dying for the past 10 years but still hasn't croaked yet. She seems to be like ah Indian from from one of those Bollywood films... the death scene never ends.
  3. If you haven't played the lottery, especially in a foreign country, how de arse you could believe you have the winning ticket? You have a genie in yuh back pocket, like Pa-trick?
  4. All dem rich businessmen and kings and queens who want to abscond from some African country with untold millions in US dollars have no conscience. They tiefing money that could improve their countrymen's lives. And if yuh fall fuh that gab, yuh ent fear yuh soul going to de devil for depriving the poorest people in the world? Have a heart, let de money stay where it could do some good nah.
  5. All dem e-mails allyuh sending meh about Jesus, Mary, Allah and de rest... look, I well understand some ah allyuh so weak-minded that allyuh cyah function unless allyuh believe some higher power watching over allyuh and taking de flak for de shit allyuh does do and then beg 'forgiveness'. But trust meh on this one - no bad luck go come to yuh if yuh ent forward de e-mail to me. GOD too busy listening to Pa-trick, Pastor Cuffie, Sat Maharaj and Oral Roberts dem to take yuh seriously. If you ent believe meh, examine when last you had a prayer come true.
  6. Contrary to popular belief, not all women like a man with a John Holmes tool. And viagra not needed by every man.
  7. If you forward e-mails and excuse them as thinking about me, and I will have a blessed day because of that... well, that not true either. Because is then yuh spoil meh day and I does be cussing yuh and all the anatomy of yuh parents and ancestors bout 10 generations back. Yuh ent think is better to really think bout meh and send meh a line wishing me a nice day? And maybe to show is me you sending it to, yuh could mention meh name somewhere in it.

Ah hope this clarifies some issues to allyuh who so thick-headed allyuh could open a sawmill by allyuhself. If not, ah go get a lil more simple.