4 Mar 2009

Being myself, with changes

Readers would probably be wondering where I have disappeared to these past few days. I haven’t actually ‘disappeared’ merely been a bit busy with activities other than those involving this blog and the Internet.

I realised that I spend way too much time on a computer. My job requires me to be on a PC 8 hours a day, and my studies may add another 6 on top of that… not to mention the hours I spend perusing news, articles of interest etc.

In making a few necessary changes, I opted to deliberately stay away from my PC. Truthfully, I cheat a little since I access my email on my phone, usually just before I retire to bed. (^_~)

However, I am reading more, walking more, doing more photography and gardening… things that rests my eyes (my vision has deteriorated to the point where I cannot read without special reading glasses any more). I am currently reading a book called “NOW, Discover your strengths!

I have just finished revisiting some older favourites, one being some books of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series. I finished my entire James Herriot collection, and ignored the entirely forgettable Ian Fleming's James Bond collection. I think perhaps if it wasn’t for all those hot women and explosions in the movies, these books would have been easily forgotten. They should be anyway.

The past couple of months, I have been a little enigmatic. I think readers are aware that I recently suffered from dengue fever, but not that during that illness I also suffered a tremendous shock that left me devastated. The combination of both nearly put me over the edge.

The fact is, my friend Pagli who is also married to me but never came to England, actually told me she was having an affair with someone else. And that she did not care whether I lived or died. Those were her exact words.

Wedding 020

Considering that it’s been 10 years since I have met her and fell in love with her, well, as you can imagine the shock was almost too much to bear. A decade is more than most marriages last nowadays.

In the past 2 months though, I realised I am worth more than this type of treatment, and I have rallied rather well. I am proud of recognising my worth, and the progress I made from putting this unhealthy relationship behind. I realised that for 10 years I have been giving, and she was taking, and that no relationship can survive on love alone, but needs appreciation too. I have excised her from my life along with other people who do not appreciate me.

In time, I guess I will be myself again. I look forward to that day.