19 Jul 2009

Pass een nah man!

You know it does amaze me how Rock crawlers – even some ah dee ones living here on dis bigger rock (dee UK) – does cyah understan’ time and distance. Doh arks meh why a frettin’ jes lehme fret – okay!

Right – dey go land in Heathrow and expec’ me to come pick dem up een dee airport. Den when ah say, “Ahm Heathrow a bit far fuh meh – eh”,  deh go go like eef I vex wid dem or out to spite dem or some crap like dat. Or after dey get from Heathrow to some god-forsaken place dey go call up at 11:44 PM to say,  “Pass een nah man, and check meh out tomorrow!”. Doh arks - dey 148 miles away now!

Forgive dem? Dey from a small rock? No waaaayyyy! Eef you comin to a big rock try and understan’ a little bit self how t’ings might be a bit diffrent (aka different). You talking about a country dat blasted big, over here. So like 100 miles is a lot – right? Daize at least 2 hrs to Heathrow fuh me and probably 3hrs for the return journey – at a cost of at least £50 ($TT 520 approx see www.xe.com), in  gyass (aka petrol). So wh’ham to my time an’ money – daize not important to me or what? An’ dey eh sayin’ nuthin bout dat yuh know. I’s like is nobody business, man!

So when a get dee point across, den deh go go, “Well me eh know how far it is?” And I does be itchin’ tuh go, “Like duhh! Yuh eh have a brain to Google it.” Well ah does hol’ back because den ah go hear about how TSTT does gih dem pressshaaah…how Manning bad…and dee ‘hole histry (aka history) ah dee Rock. I eh able!! Well i’s not about TSTT or Manning or anyt’ing of dee sort. Ah telling allyuh now, i’s plain Monkey Island laziness…mixed with a confused entitlement for t’ings to happen ‘jes so’ for dem.

Well who vex vex. Allyuh know long time dee Cyaptain doh mince words.

For people who eh so lazy, it have a t’ing called Google. Hear what – dem fellas map out nearly dee whole world, boy! Yuh could jes punch een from whay to whay and click a button – and bram – yuh getting distance and times by various modes of travel; by shanks pony, car – all kinda t’ing.

And dee bes’ part yuh could save yuh maps too – at Google – so yuh doh have tuh punch een dee same data each time yuh need to see dee same destination or journey again. All ah dat at no cost more dan yuh internet access. And eef yuh want, for many fus world cities yuh could even get a ‘Street view’ of whay yuh goin’.

How dee Cyaptain know bout all dis? Look nah man – dee Cyaptain does have to navigate dis blasted country by air, rail, road, water, and even under dee grong (aka ground) – so doh arks meh dee obvious. Forget ‘bout dee Cyaptain. Jes tell everyone about Google Maps USA or Google Maps UK [aye, doh fraid to click dem links, eh.]