12 Nov 2009

Meat robots

Well as you all heard from Jumbie, I was in London today. You know it's the smallest things that tend to cause me to be puzzled about the human condition. I'll tell you how the day started.

I was about to board a train heading into London at 11:26. It was 11:21. My journey time was expected to be 64 minutes. I could see that the train just about 10 metres away on the platform. So I knew I had enough time to buy a sandwich and a coffee at a kiosk. Dis is not a donkey island service - eef dey say 11:26 dey mean 11:26. So the chap at the kiosk on the platform, serves me up the coffee and sandwich.

He goes: "Would you like milk and sugar in your coffee?"
Me: "Sure. Can I have 3 sugars and some milk please". [Now you must be t'inkin', 'dis fella have a sweet tooth'. Well no - dey have some chinky packets o' sugar over here dat probably cyah fill a teaspoon self. In any case i's a 'regular coffee' which is about 400ml.]
Him: "That'll be £3.86".

So I hand him a tenner (i.e. £10), and get my change. And I'm looking around for a wooden or plastic stirrer. I realise there are none. So then I see the meat robot (i.e. aka live human skeleton dressed in meat) tear off the tops of the three sugar packets, pour them into the coffee and add milk. Nothing strange there, you must be thinking. But there is no stirrer. So, I'm thinking "This meat robot is not gonna stir the coffee, I bet". So said, so done. He covers the coffee with the plastic lid and hands it to me, without finding anything to stir it. Time 11:24:30.

Well what you expec' me to do, arks fuh a stirrer - only to get some crap excuse out of him - when my train is leaving in 90 seconds? Like no. So I depart with my coffee and sandwich wondering about the human race. I call up Jumbie to give him dis story. Den I decide dat I will blog it.

Riiiiiiiiiigght!! How much intelligence does it take - to know dat if you pour one or twenty teaspoons of sugar in a large cup of coffee and don't stir it, you ain't gonna taste dee sugar until you get way down? But hey, this may not be merely about the intelligence (or lack of it) of the meat robot. It could be about the intelligence of his meat robot boss(es) who:
a) didn't train him properly, or
b) didn't provide stirrers or
c) couldn't cyare a monkey's backside about customer satisfaction.

Well all of the above applies to businesses in the UK - really I mean all these things are so common here in the UK. That's why we are called 'Rip-off-Britain'. And you know the 'best' part deese people over here so chupit no ass dey eh even know what good customer service is. So dey accept crap treatment on goods and services - it's part of the culture here.

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