24 Dec 2010

I’m a victim of jackasses again at xmas

Yep – it’s Christmas again! And guess what? That’s the time when well-meaning jackasses decide to send out emails wishing me a Merry Xmas. What could be the problem wid dat – you may wonder. Dee problem again - as it is every bloody year – is that they put my private email address in the ‘To’ or ‘CC’ field and mail their greeting out to hundreds of others who I know f* all about and who know f* all about me.

If you doh see a problem with that please email to me, at my public email address walker.captain@gmail.com, your private and unlisted telephone contact details – so I can distribute your private and unlisted telephone contact details  to hundreds of others who you don’t know, as ‘accidentally’ as they spread around my private email address.

And before allyuh start – the duty isn’t upon me to tell people that “This email address I’m giving you is private email address”. The duty is upon each person to respect my privacy and assume my details are private unless I say otherwise. Whey dat come from? It is called common courtesy – for gods sakes. Why dat is dee case? Because normally when you give your phone number to someone you don’t expect them to redistribute it to hundreds or thousands of people.

But hold it right dey!! Knowing that most people I deal with are intellectual retards (not just IT retards – that’s given) I actually tell them repeatedly, ‘This is a private email address. Please do not accidentally distribute my email address by lumping it in with other email addresses in a ‘cc’ or ‘to’ field. (and attach instructions ‘how to’)’ And guess what – dey usually respond along the way, wid somik like “Nah – doh worry boy. I doh do dem kindah t’ing. Yuh email a’right wid me.” And den what happens? You get the first paragraph above. And den what happens? I send dem stiff email telling dem to f* off permanently!

No man, I know ‘tis dee season to be jolly etc – so why not respect everybody’s rights! Lets be jolly – send greetings and respect people’s rights (yes ah repeatin mehself). Doh jes ‘assume’. Some jackass go now arks how tuh sen’ email other than wid dee ‘cc’ or ‘to’ fields. Click here to find out more.

Be more forgiving?’ and ‘Doh let li’le t’ings like dat bother yuh head’ – yuh lucky yuh eh standin’ next tuh me when yuh t’inking or uttering such thoughts. Doh start me up here nuh. My mission is to punish and eradicate fools wherever I find them. Why? Dey are a danger to the harmonious survival of human race – so leh we leave it at dat. Have a Merrier Xmas dan me. It’s also merry for me because I get to punish a few more jackasses.

I've set up counter-measures so that only the most-worthy-of-punishment get through. My filter now includes the following between square brackets ["merry christmas" OR "seasons greetings" OR "merry xmas" OR "happy new year"] with exceptions between square brakets such as ["xxxx xxxx" OR aaaa OR abcd.org OR "yyyy bbbb"]. The exceptions allow only named persons or organisations to come through. The OR word allows for endless inclusions or exceptions to be added.