10 Jul 2011

Sickening phenomenon

I’ve been noticing something in the last year that I wanted to share. It’s about people who never looked for me for ages suddenly popping out of the woodwork to seek some advice or help.

To put it in the context in which I see that, I think it’s about ‘using’ me. When I say ‘using’, I mean also conveniently – because they clearly had no real friendship with me, couldn’t care less if I was dead or ill in all that time they hadn’t contacted me, and there could be no sense of reciprocity in such a dormant ‘relationship’ (if you could call it that). And there is no new reciprocity forged.

What is most interesting is how these conversations end. There are a few common themes, that follow just after business is concluded and were about to end the conversation. I’ll give you the following:

 

Various callers’ closing statements after say 1 hr on the phone.

My response

Thoughts in my head (and one day my preferred responses)

1.

So how are things with you?

Good.. good. All is fine.

You wanker! You really expect me to start giving you intimate details of what’s going on in my life when we’ve been talking for over an hour about strictly business. We’re not even close. We’ve never shared personal experiences in so long – and suddenly I’m to share these with you. FFS! Are you really interested at all. What a load of hypocrisy.

2

Oh - I saw your daughter on [xxx Social Network]…she is so pretty. How is she getting on?

Yes she is fine. Doing well. Such a fine girl.

WTF!!! Are you nuts? Do you really think I can’t see that this is idle chitter chatter to dampen the fact that you’ve not been in touch for so long - and you make yourself look like a total plonker? Have you got Asperger’s syndrome or something, or a lack of theory of mind arising from some other condition? Chrysst!! WTF do you care anything about my daughter anyway – what you think I’m a fool for being buttered up? What an asshole you are.

3

We must keep in touch more often.. give me a call sometime and we’d get together for a coffee or something?

Yeah..sure. That’s a nice idea. Will do.

You nauseate me – you epitomise hypocrisy. And I feel like a bloody hypocrite myself giving nice responses, when I’ prefer to tell you to take a flying leap. Why the bloody hell haven’t you called to invite me to a coffee in all these years. Why now, must I initiate to call you for a frigging coffee? I have coffee at home.

4

Thanks for your help. I’ll let you know how I get on.

Ok.. do that. Bye for now.

Why do I have to play these fucking mind-games with people? I guess life is like that.. you don’t burn bridges unless you really have to. But the speed at which I would burn my bridges would be dependent on my economic circumstances.

No – I’m not saying people have to be chummy with me, or frequently in contact with me, to get my help or respect. What I am saying is that I too am a human being. We endure people conveniently using us for various reasons. But to act as if they have some real concern for me, my family, my car or my dog – is just monumentally ridiculous.

We all keep ‘relationships’ with people who may call on us for help. Those are of various degrees of closeness or distance. It’s understood that we keep them, because we may need to call on them. Even that I ain’t got a problem with. But keep in straight man! Don’t start mixing in concern for me and my family etc so as to make it look as if you’re not conveniently using me. At the end of the day if I didn’t want to be conveniently used, I wouldn’t even give them the time. But I do allow it, because I know that if I need them one day, they will be obliged to respond. I just like to be honest about these things, and I don’t like people confusing the issues.

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