15 Feb 2012

Save the turtle

Today I was reminded of an ex-manager. He was Birmingham born and bred and one of his teen buddies was Ozzy Osbourne (of Black Sabbath). They had a pretty wild youth together.

My ex-manager was courting his now wife at the time... one night after partying rather hard, he decided to visit his girlfriend (now wife). Of course, she being new to his life and him having a few drinks too many (he blames Ozzy) he at first went up a couple wrong streets... in England the houses can look alike when you're in a drunken haze, I suppose.

Trying to find the right house, full of booze in cold weather.... the inevitable happened. Nature called.

To answer in public is a criminal offence in England. So he decided to enter someone's garden out of sight of the street and relieve himself, the garden walls being a yard or so in height.

Judgment impaired but still determined he spotted a stone shining in the dim moonlight in the lawn, at one edge near the fence. Safe from sight from both house and street, he opted for #2 instead of #1.

Straddling the stone, he carefully divested himself of his troublesome burden, on the stone. Using some leaves and cleaning up, he then sprang over the fence and despairing of finding his girl's house he went home.

Next morning he went looking for her and was greatly embarrassed to find out he was really close to seeing her the night before.

As he met her, her father was cussing the %/&*+# sob who shit on the pet turtle in the garden.