26 Aug 2012

Let us pray

Kevin Baldeosingh – a ‘confessed’ atheist – has taken the bold step of writing some prayers for Rock-crawlers. I thought they were so good, that I had to put them up. Now please pray as follows:

Pray for floods

Almighty God, mayst Thou flood my house and drown my car as Thou pleaseth, that we be reminded of the Original Sin which wiped all humanity from the Earth save Noah and his Ark and two of every creature, including mosquitoes. Elevate to the Works Ministry, oh God, men who will explain all disasters as an Act of You. Let not construction companies build proper drainage, nor citizens stop littering, nor Local Government councillors work for a living. In this way shall we experience trials and tribulations, oh Lord, that we might grow closer to Thee by mopping mud from our living rooms.

Pray for traffic accidents

Oh God, please ensure that traffic accidents happen, so that those who do not die but are only maimed may thank Thee for sparing their lives, while those who are killed would serve as a warning to others about the sins of strong drink, late liming, and defective tyres. For every fatality, oh God, a pastor or pundit or imam gets paid to put the fear of Thee into mourners, proving that those who are killed in accidents have not died senselessly but are fulfilling Thy divine purpose.

Pray for murderers

Most blessed God, we accept that Thou hath sent murderers onto us, that we shall not take the precious gift of life for granted, that we shall beat our children so they shall not become killers, and hang those who do become killers in order to show that killing is wrong, as stateth in Thy words, unless of course we are killing the infidels as also stated in Thy words.

Pray for politicians

Thank you, oh Lord, for giving us leaders who are venal, incompetent, and corrupt, that we shall never have faith in the laws of man but only in Thy divine laws. Let us not become like those nations with low crime and high prosperity, whose people go not to church save for weddings, funerals, and bazaars. We pray that our political leaders who proclaim their faith shall never be criticised by the IRO, because religious leaders also have to eat ah food.

Pray for atheists

Divine Father, we pray that Kevin Baldeosingh shall continue to demonstrate how rationality influences nobody important, so that our faith may continue to get us invited to official functions with jumbo shrimp.

May the Lord be with you and also with you. Hallelujah – or amen or whatever. Winking smile