11 May 2013

Crime no massive problem.. but spoken English may be.

There is good news for all citizens of the Rock. Crime is down. There is no massive crime problem according to your trusted DCP. Everybody can now walk the streets of the Rock with remarkably greater comfort. You can now consider dispensing with the steel cages welded to your houses - and you may consider throwing out all forms of weaponry that you may have hidden for your protection. If you don't believe me listen to your DCP himself.


DCP: There is no massive crime problem in Trinidad yuh know…yes we have had some murders and we have had some crime that make the headlines. But crime is at an all time low in Trinidad & Tobago… Right now we have a 36% decrease in serious crimes in Trinidad & Tobago (waving arms around evangelically). So anyt’ing..any initiative any piece of equipment dat we could use tuh further dampen crime is appreciated.

Interviewer: You realise that might be a bit controversial given the homicide rate though.

DCP: Well..even home-e-cide is dong on dee las’ year figure! Year on year home-e-cide is dong… so dat crime.. er uh.. dere is no massive..as people makin it.

Now yuh see – ppl does vex wid me fuh writin’ on blogs in local patois – and doing my rapid code-switching as it is properly called. Your Rock-crawler DCP apart from talking utter bunkum appears to be oblivious that he is speaking to the ‘world’ – and that people in foreign lands may be wondering whether they speak English on that god-forsaken rock.

Look, don’t even start. Most Trinidadians are capable of speaking proper English with correct pronunciation when they come to realise they are speaking to the ‘world of English speakers’. And I am not suggesting that any alteration of accent is required. Lots of people on and off the Rock would be cringing at the presentation and language of ‘their’ DCP.

Do Rock-crawlers in public life have any degree of self-awareness? I am totally ashamed to be associated with that Rock at times like these. To cringe some more, on the issue of self-awareness, see: Missing and out of action. I eh able!

I’m sure to get somebody vex dong on dee Rock – yuh know ‘How come I could criticise people and den do dee same ting?’. Well jess hol’ on – I’m not a public official representing some arm of Government (as your DCP is). The audience of  this blog is far smaller than TV6 media. And furthermore, I have already declared that I speak – more correctly ‘write’ - in the patois for a certain effect. So jess calm dong!